My Talk On Family: A proclamation to the World; Roles of Fathers and Mothers

I was asked to speak in Church in June for Father's Day, and I am one that absolutely despises talking in church. I never feel like I should be the one trying to teach others, since I have plenty of learning to do. Anyways, I'm awful, I know. When they asked they had given me a topic about fathers and the priesthood, and I figured I could talk about how thankful I am to have the priesthood in my life, and knowing that I could just go to my dad for a blessing when I was younger, and being able to call on my husband, or my home teachers if I need one now. Well mid-week, they decided to change topics to the one as my topic. I read the proclamation that night, and didn't feel any ideas popping into my head. I grew frustrated and rather than, you know, researching, praying, and all the good stuff I should do, I continued to grumble about even having to speak. Anyways, long story short, Saturday afternoon came around, and I decided to finally sit down and write a talk. So with my attitude this is what came out. I'll have you know this is what I actually said in church. I realized as I was writing my talk that many of the negative feelings that I was writing was exactly how I was feeling. I probably was more mad about the topic mainly because I felt like I was not living up to what they labeled as the roles of moms in the proclamation. I felt the need to talk about how we all judge ourselves so harshly. So here it goes:

You are a failure. Your kids don’t fully qualify as properly dressed. One of your kids is yelling rather loudly during sacrament meeting. You lose all your patience, and you shush. When that doesn’t work you take your kid out, knowing all eyes are on you, and thoughts about why you can’t control you kid. That’s what they’re thinking. You proceed to class, trying to drop your kid off to nursery, primary, or even Sunday school where they burst into tears, yes sometimes even the teens, and you end up having to stay until they stop and are preoccupied enough for you to sneak out. Or your teenagers make snide remarks and are so incredibly disrespectful, you wonder what you have done wrong. You have done everything wrong. Your kids don’t behave, your house is a mess, you fail in the cooking department, your yard is awful, you have no energy at work. Sometimes you wonder why you thought you were capable of having kids. Your kids are going to turn out awful and it is your fault. Good luck facing God and explaining why you weren’t  like the parents next door. You know the ones. They hold family home evening every week—actually hold it. Their kids are always dressed and clean. The kids can read by age two. They sit quietly in church, the teenagers are so polite and wonderful, and not to top it off but the father is fit and has an awesome car. The mom always looks perfect and just seems like she is superwoman. Well, they are. They are super people.

I don’t know about you, but I have felt this way. We were asked to speak on the Family: A Proclamation to the World, and more specifically the roles of mothers and fathers. As I was searching for information, I was bombarded with the thought, as well as the actual information of things that moms should be doing, but I struggle to do. I know I am not the only one that looks at other moms and thinks that they have it all together, and what lucky kids to have such a mom. Reading through different Ensign articles, I want to pass on something that needs to be stamped on our foreheads, so that we see it every time we look in the mirror, and others see it every time they look at us. We are good enough. Dads too, I didn’t forget that it’s Father’s Day. You are better dads than you think, and probably than what you may be given credit for. We are all good enough.

However, good enough does not mean that we don’t have room for improvement. I say good enough because we all judge ourselves harsher than others do. You are the people that I look at and can’t figure out how you are such super beings. I’m sure many of you don’t see how I can think that, but it’s true. I decided to take this topic as an opportunity to actually try to improve on something as a mom, and to learn what I might have missed. I have never felt more incapable of succeeding than I do when I am trying to teach Dani that men with beards and long hair are not Jesus. So reading over the roles of a mother, both in the Family: A proclamation to the World, and in other teachings, here are some points that I, and maybe even you can improve on.

First point that might be the most important is to work on your relationship with your husband. I have been told this many times that it is important to make sure that you still have date nights, and you take the time to have adult conversations.  In his address, “Brethen, Love Your Wives,” Elder James E. Faust Said, “The relationship between husband and wife is the linchpin in the whole family relationship. . . The most sacred, intimate, and blessed relationship is between husband and wife. We must strive for greater spirituality in our relationships, and especially in our homes.”

There is a saying that happy wife makes happy home, but it should be happy husband and wife makes happy children. There are many things you can do together to strengthen your relationship. It takes faith. Pray together.  According to , Jannette K. Gibbons, there are Seven Steps to Strengthen a marriage. First, Have a clear goal in mind. The goal should be to have a celestial marriage. Second, Include God in your relationship. Without him in your relationship you will always fall short. Third, acknowledge the reality that Satan is your enemy. He will try to weaken you and overcome you. Fourth, Remember that you are best friends, it will help you take control from Satan. Fifth, Remember that you are growing together toward perfection. Both of you are imperfect. Sixth,  Accept the reality that differences of opinion occur. Respect each other. It is more important to be loving than to be right. And seventh, Be honest, but charitable when communicating with each other. Do not dwell on the negative. If you have a concern, voice it. Don’t store it inside.

Many members are single for different reasons. You can improve by taking care of yourself. You can have the goal of a celestial eternity, you can include God in your every day life, and accept that Satan is the enemy, knowing that he will try to tear you down. Remember that you are a child of God. Remember that yes, you are imperfect, but you can strive towards perfection. Respect yourself. We all need to be doing this.

Second point that I believe that we can all work on is spending enough time with our kids. This is difficult for many of us because of the need to work. I do believe though that we can make more of an effort. Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, “As a mother guided by the Lord, you weave a fabric of character in your children from threads of truth through careful instruction and worthy example. You imbue the traits of honesty, faith in God, duty, respect for others, kindness, self-confidence, and the desire to contribute, to learn, and to give in your trusting children’s minds and hearts. It is your sacred right and privilege.”

In the 2000 Marriage and Family Relations Manual, Lesson 11, it lists President Ezra Taft Benson’s 10 suggestions on what mothers can do to spend effective time with their children. I think that men should know that they are also part of this. 1. Be at the crossroads. Know where your kids are, who they are with, and what they are doing. 2. Be a real friend. 3. Read to your children. 4. Pray with your children. 5. Have weekly home evenings. 6. Be together at mealtimes. 7. Read scriptures daily. 8 Do things as a family. 9. Teach your children. 10. Truly love your children.

We have many distractions occurring around us every day. We have technology and media that can fill up all of our time if we allow it. We need to make sure that these things do not become more important to us than our family. Spending the extra time with our kids will also help them grow spiritually. Spending time with them will allow them to see your example. Which is the third point I want to discuss.

Strengthen yourself so that you can be an example for your kids. Here’s my confession. I know that I am quick to lose my patience. I also am not great at reading my scriptures regularly. We have struggled to have family home evening every week. I know that in order for my kids to see how important the simple Primary answers of study your scriptures, attend church regularly, hold family home evening,  and pray that I need to be doing them myself. How can I expect them to learn that these things don’t just give them a simple answer but is something that should actually be implemented if I am not doing them myself? We all struggle in different areas of these simple steps. One of the best things we can do for our families is by remembering these things.

Final point: We need to remember that God has entrusted us with his eternal children. It is our duty to do our best. We are doing what we are supposed to be doing. We are doing his work. We have an eternal partnership with him. When we struggle that is the time to turn to him for help. When we are succeeding that is the time to thank him.

 In closing I would like to read from the Family: A Proclamation to the World. “ Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.”